Richard Rayner, MD
Award winning author Marilynne Robinson, in her book Home, has a character that laments that tears are so readily visible, that she would have preferred that God made them come out of a hand or foot. When I read that I thought it was a really bizarre concept and wondered how the author even came up with it. Then I got to thinkin’…
I empathize with the Robinson character because sometimes my tears come too easily. It’s embarrassing, really. While I often seem to be able to handle sadness by simply being sad without tears, those liquid heralds of emotion show up at rather inconvenient times. These days my tears more often come for something that is actually good, touching. The tightness in my throat seems to follow a direct line to my lacrimal glands where the tears are made. It’s a challenge a lot of my male friends don’t seem to have, guys who seem to be able to stuff that kind of thing, blocking that throat-to-eyelid connection. My fear is that if it appears that tears come too frequently, too easily, too obviously, that their sincerity will be doubted.
Tears are of course helpful on several levels. Physically, they are necessary. No tears, no vision. Relationally they can give warning or affirmation. Emotionally they can be revealing, hence the angst of the Robinson character mentioned above. While typically involuntary, they may also be manipulative. I’m always amazed by actors that can just produce them whenever the script calls for it. And less amazed by the person who uses them to try to force a response in others.
Tears That Help
Healthy Tears
Basal Tears – These are the physiologic tears that are present all day and night to protect the sensitive exposed areas of our eyes from drying out and becoming ulcerated and scarred. They assist in keeping vision clear, and even help resist infection. When these are decreased in their amount, bad things can happen.
Washing Tears – That piece of dust, dirt, grass, or gnat does not belong on one’s cornea. In medicine we call them “foreign bodies.” Any contact lens wearer will tell you that a piece of dirt under the lens feels like a boulder rolling around on the most sensitive surface of the body. “Reflex tears” to the rescue helping to wash out the ocular intruder.
Physical Tears
Signs of life – One of the first signs of life in a newborn are the tears from crying. A baby producing those tears means a healthy life now continues outside the womb. If you want to witness true panic and frantic behavior, be present in a delivery room where the newborn baby is not crying. I get stressed just thinking back to the times when I’ve seen that!
Boo-boo Tears – Children clue us into loss or hurt – something has been taken or injury has occurred – through their pleas and tears. As the years add on, the “booboos” typically shift from the physical to the emotional, relational areas. As the years add on, there is a progression to where interactions with friends and family cause rejection and disappointment that lead to tears.
Emotional Tears
Tears of Anguish
The world is full of hatred and wrong. Selfishness, self-centeredness, envy, and pride lead us to do awful things. Even when we ourselves are not the object of the wrongdoing, we feel it. In that feeling, emotions flow in the form of sympathetic tears. They connect us to the ones who are suffering, sending a signal that we feel for them.
Tears of Relief
The struggle has been long, emotionally depleting, and scary. We weren’t sure we were going to make it. But we did and now, finally able to take a breath, we realize just how bad the situation was. As the big exhale flows out, so do the tears. Years ago, during what was to be a pretty minor 90-minute surgical procedure ended up as a 6-hour episode because they couldn’t get me off the respirator. No logical explanation, but I didn’t realize the shock that went through my family, friends, and church community when the word went out that I was in trouble. When a friend later told me how frightened he and many others were, it finally hit me what had happened, and the flood gates opened up.
Paradoxical Tears
Tears can indicate something is great, touching, meaningful, or sweet. These often present with an accompanying tightness in the chest or neck. The triggers are as varied as the people producing them, but isn’t it strange that they come during a time of sweetness or joy? Even the toughest grandpa can hardly stand his little granddaughter saying her first lines in a school play, or the parent who has coached a child in a sport for years watches as she makes that amazing play during the game.
Tears that Cleanse
You’ve been estranged from that family member or friend for a while. Your heart has wanted to see the relationship mended but the stubborn will of one or both of you has blocked it. Finally, you have that reconciling conversation, the fences are mended, and the tears flow to seal the deal.
So, tears are good. While exposing us at times when we would prefer they didn’t, we need not fear. Embrace them for what they are: signs we are alive in body and soul.
