Susan Rook, LMFT
For one sweet holiday we gobble up tiny candy hearts that declare such things as ‘KISS ME,’ ‘YOU’RE SWEET,’ ‘LOVE YOU,’ But, my favorite heart is ‘BE MINE.’ Why? Because it speaks to the human desire we all have of being wanted.
This little candy heart with a big message beckons us to let go and belong; to grandparents, mothers and fathers, your BFF, your spouse, boyfriend or girlfriend — be mine!
If you turn the heart over and read the fine print you’ll realize the message isn’t about owning someone, it’s about unconditionally loving and caring for that person. And, it becomes reciprocal the moment your candy heart is accepted.
So what does unconditional love look like? How do we achieve it? Here are a few suggestions:
Practice intentional listening which results in clear communication. In my office, I frequently use a two-minute drill which involved both speaker and listener. I start by giving each person a copy of the exercise which is a series of five standard questions and statements. Following this format makes it easy to stay focused on the issue at hand.
The drill begins with a simple question: “Is this a good time to talk?” By the time we have finished the exercise (usually in less than two minutes) the parties involved know they have been heard and understood with no knock-down drag outs.
The purpose of this exercise is never to fix a five year old offense, but merely to deal with bumps in the road of everyday life. Intentional listening and clear communication ensures these bumps don’t become insurmountable mountains. And, it works! When people learn to master this technique, lives are changes and relationships are strengthened.
Show selflessness by putting another first.
Illustrate that you cherish your loved ones by dispensing kindness with no strings attached.
Stay the course in a marriage or committed relationship and be willing to do the hard work which results in continued growth.
Reach across generations to broaden your circle of friends and the scope of people in whose lives you invest.
And, know when to let go:
- of your kids so they can make their own way.
- of friendships that have sadly turned toxic, and realize that some friendships are only for a season.
Knowing how to walk away from a relationship in an honorable way with no regrets.
So don’t merely gobble up that ‘BE MINE’ heart; give it to someone with the intention of making the world a sweeter, more meaningful place.
