David White, MD
Light gently filled my eyes as my heavy lids were wooed open by the sound of rustling in the tent next to mine. Then more rustling and the sound of zipper doors opening in sequence announcing that it was a new day as my brothers crawled from their tents. I sat up, immediately feeling the aches of the long hike the previous day. And though my fatigue had me wondering if I had really slept at all, I felt peace, joy, and eagerness for the day.
I quickly transitioned from my sleeping bag into my pants and puffy jacket. Drawing my beanie over my head and ears, I crawled out of my tent and took my place by the morning fire. Then carefully situating our propane stoves, we began the delicate and unhurried process of heating our freshly filtered water in preparation for what promised to be a 5-star breakfast— French press coffee, instant oatmeal with dried fruit.
It was in the quietness of this moment that the invasion of thought was suddenly launched…”Oh crap, I have to work tomorrow—12 hours—ugh. Wait, did I pay the electric bill? We really need to hire additional help at the clinic. Shoot, I need to get an email response out—NO. STOP. David—you are here—be present—rest—it is ok to be fully present right here, right now—close your eyes, smell the coffee, and feel its warmth in your chest, listen to the voices of your brothers whom you love and trust—hear the flow of the stream through camp and the harmony of the leaves singing above— yes, this is good.
Throughout all of my life I have delighted in active experiences—jumping over streams, climbing trees, mountain biking, hiking, climbing, surfing, and more recently obstacle racing. More than that, I love sharing those experiences with others and seeing their delight. Several years back I began to recognize that the complexities of life and the weight of my responsibilities began to not only dominate my time and energy, but were invading and monopolizing my thought life. So whether sitting quietly with my wife or running up the side of a mountain, my mind would be toiling over a concern for a child, a financial strain or a workplace issue needing resolution.
Watching my joy erode and motivation wane, I revolted and began the practice of verbally interrupting myself, giving myself permission to be present in whatever I was doing. I remember once doing this during a long painful ascent during a Spartan Race. Thoughts of what was looming at work the following day were spinning chaotically in my head. I spoke out loud—“I love this, it is so good to be here.” I then focused my attention on the intense pain in my legs, thanking God for the joy of being able to move in such ways in such a beautiful place as this.
Though I didn’t understand it at the time, this practice of focusing my attention on the present moment is referred to as ‘mindfulness.’ Definitions and practices vary, but I really appreciate the definition found on the mindful.org website—“Mindfulness is the basic human ability to be fully present, aware of where we are and what we’re doing, and not overly reactive or overwhelmed by what’s going on around us.” I would offer that we are not only prone to be reactive to “what is going on around us” but also within us. So what is it that would threaten to steal our attention away from the moments that matter most? In my experience there are three main categories— anticipatory anxiety, the tyranny of the urgent and discontent.
Anticipatory Anxiety – Living in Fear
Anticipatory anxiety is living in fear that something bad will happen. In my work as an emergency physician, it is not uncommon for me to see patients who are so overwhelmed at the idea that a terminal illness diagnosis is looming that they are unable to live with joy today. The paradox here is that they are so fearful that they will not live that they cease to delight in the life that they fear losing. And while this is perhaps the extreme, each of us allow similar thoughts to capture our focus as our hearts and minds swirl in fear over the potential trajectories of our children’s lives, our finances, our jobs, or our relationships.
Tyranny of the Urgent – Stealing Focus
We can also be distracted by our consuming responsibilities and ever growing “to do lists.” In the 1960’s, Charles Hummel published a booklet called Tyranny of the Urgent, where he argues that there is a regular tension between things that are urgent and things that are important. Too often things that “demand” our attention in the moment, steal our energies and focus away from those things that not only sustain our lives but provide value, purpose, and joy.
Discontent – Missing the Now
Similarly, discontent, which can spur us on to healthy action, too often becomes the engine that powers inertia—the tendency to do nothing or remain unchanged. Discontent causes us to lift our eyes from the treasures (people, places, things) right before us, looking far off to what we imagine could be or should be.
A brief inventory of our lives reveals that life is unpredictable and complex. The things that threaten to hold our minds captive are not irrational. There are real threats to our or our loved ones wellness— physical or mental illness, injury, unemployment, financial hardship. There are many real and urgent demands on our time and energy— work, school, meals, childcare, sports, bills, homes, relationships. And yes, things could perhaps be better when we compare our circumstances to that of those around us.
A call to practice of mindfulness is not a utopic fantasy where all is well in the world, but rather a practiced and intentional effort towards a focused awareness of the treasures that lay right before us, whether simple or grand.
Wherever you are right now – before jumping to that next task, idea, or concern – I urge you to create and savor this exact moment for everything it is. You’re here, so practice being fully aware of what “here” is and how it’s serving your life. And when the thoughts that threaten to undermine the satisfaction of this moment begin to rise up, simply respond, “Hey, do you mind? I’m busy here!”
