David White, MD
Blue Mountain Resort in Palmerton, Pennsylvania plays host to one of the toughest “Spartan Races” in the country. A Spartan Race is a particular brand of outdoor obstacle course racing (OCR). These OCRs are typically 4, 8 or 12 miles of a combined running, walking, scrambling, crawling, climbing, carrying, wading, throwing… and unless you are having a really good day, a whole lot of burpees— the penalty for failing an obstacle. Sound crazy? While Spartan Racing was originally started to “get people off the couch,” it has grown into a $250 million dollar a year industry! This is clearly stirring something in people.
On a terribly hot July weekend this summer, Aspire lead trainer, Matt White, guided a team of 6 extraordinary women through a Spartan Sprint (4 miles) at Blue Mountain. Five of these women faced this challenge for the very first time while the other was a return racer. I had finished racing earlier in the day and was able to cheer them on from various points along the course. Unfortunately I missed their triumphant finish but heard that the finish stirred a whirl of cheers, tears, and hugs.
While I was not surprised by this, I was curious as to what this experience had tapped into. My own experience is that the pain and discomfort that comes with this extreme effort stirs an acute awareness of my body and mind’s capacity to live fully. Without fail I am moved to give thanks to God for the opportunity and capacity to experience the extremes of myself. In these moments, my emotions and senses are awakened and self-awareness explodes, not only to the overwhelming sensory input my body is experiencing but to the wonders of my life— my wife, my children, my work— all at once I feel pain, exhilaration, angst, freedom, love, sadness, and happiness. All this because I chose to ‘get off the couch.’
Discovering Jake
I reached out to one of the racers, Jake, who I had heard was particularly emotional and asked if I could explore with her what she was feeling at the end of the race. In her answer, she graciously and humbly detailed for me what was a beautiful journey of self-discovery.
Jake explained that from childhood she had been uncomfortable with her body. She had always been overweight and was consequently relegated to that group of kids faced with the conspicuous experience of being the “last to be picked.” Though these identity labels are often worn through life like a misspelled name-tag that was assigned at a church picnic, Jake determined in mid-life to peel the well-worn tag off and sign up for fitness training at AspireFIT. She did this with a determined intent to “feel better about herself.”
She admitted that she initially felt insecure, the kind that comes with a conscious awareness of being visible, when being invisible had always represented safety. But being visible meant she was welcomed, known and embraced for who she is, where she is, how she is— in her words, “I’ve never felt this comfortable in this setting, here I can totally be me, no facade—AspireFIT feels like home.” She not only felt the freedom to be herself but was in the early stages of personal discovery as she and others were recognizing that she had quickly become an important part of fostering a sense of community at Aspire.
Rewriting the Narrative
Her lifetime narrative of “un-picked” was soon challenged when she was asked to join the women’s Spartan Race team. “I was totally surprised!” Self-doubt quickly surfaced and fought to discredit the invitation but Jake sensed inspiration, what she described as a “why.” She now had a focused purpose for her training. She was recognizing that she had an opportunity to alter the trajectory of her understanding and experience of herself. Thomas Jefferson is credited with saying, “If you want something you have never had, you must be willing to do something you never have.” Inspiration asks the question, “Are you willing?” Though facing self-doubt, Jake said “Yes, I am willing.”
Jake went on to share that she found unexpected fuel for her inspiration in some very difficult personal experiences. Notably, the physical and mental decline of several special women in her life. She drew from their overflowing wells of tenacity and strength as she witnessed their courageous battles against cancer, illness, and dementia. She also felt an overwhelming sense of deep internal gratitude that she was in a position to take on this challenge. She would often remind herself that, “If they can get up and fight their battles, so can I.”
Discovering Who You Really Are
So on that oppressively hot day in July, Jake and her fellow warriors took to the mountain with all its textures—going up, over, down and through. Several hours later, they crossed the finish line, relieved, exhausted and exhilarated. Jake describes that she was overwhelmed with emotion. “I felt very accomplished, successful and proud of myself.” But there was something else. Jake said, “Over the course of the race, I saw myself acting differently than would be typical for me.” Rather than being guarded and reserved, she found herself openly cheering and celebrating, encouraging others. Reflecting back, she said, “It was like I was being introduced to myself.”
As executive coach Rick Wellock would say, Jake was “catching herself in the act of being herself.” I went on to say, “Jake, this is a story of self-discovery— it’s not that you are becoming someone new, but rather this is who you are!”
Tearing Off the Name Tag
In conversations with patients and in my own explorations of self, I have seen and learned that we are too often fixated on what is wrong with ourselves, what is broken and the reasons that we “can’t.” Rick Wellock once said to me, “David, you are not a problem to be fixed, you are a person to be discovered and engaged.”
Jake has graciously shared with us what it looks like to be discovered. It is often scary, hard and painful. But in the end it is a taste of true freedom and joy. So, who are you? To what do you truly aspire? Are you willing to answer inspiration’s call with a resounding “I’m willing to do what I’ve never done before?” It was renowned Mount Everest climber Edmund Hillary who said, “It is not the mountain we conquer but ourselves.” You are no longer required to wear that tattered, misspelled, misplaced name tag. Tear it off and begin to discover who you really are.
