Richard Rayner, MD
A recent statistic was released claiming that 20 percent of children and 40 percent of adults in the US can now be classified as obese. “Oh, please,” you say, “Not another article on the obesity epidemic.” Before you’re tempted to stop reading, this is NOT another how-to article about diet. It’s an article about being — a plea to pause and reflect.
I was obese during my growing-up years. I was obsessed with food, and it was my comfort in times of fear, sadness, loneliness, or boredom. Feeding others came naturally to my Italian mother, and I was one of her favorite guests! But along with the food itself came an expression of love and care, and almost equally important was the atmosphere in which it was shared. The dinner table was a home in and of itself, a place where we came to be nourished and to connect as a family. We were feeding not just on tasty morsels, but on each other’s lives and family connection.
So many of my patients over the years and now more than ever describe their eating style as “just grabbing something” while on their way to work, at their lunch break, after soccer practice, before dance class, etc. Not only do they want [need?] the food to be portable, there is just no time for the act of eating. Getting nourishment gets in the way of…living? And how many times do we grab something good, something truly nourishing, making sure it’s heavy on nutrients and what our body needs?
Just as a bit of a reminder, in the biological realm we are part of the Animalia kingdom. Animals need to be fed. We are no exception, and as highly developed humans we should be the best at it. Yet, we’re actually very often harming ourselves in the very act of doing what we need to survive! But as more highly developed, communal creatures, the concern goes beyond food choices and just throwing something down our gullets.
Perhaps even a greater loss is the loss of connection as a family unit – whatever it looks like – that can occur around the dinner table. Sure, the potential for arguing is there, and certainly the less practiced we are at it the more likely that will happen. It takes a certain determination and patience to listen to those around the table, telling of their day, the joys, the struggles, the triumphs, the hurts. Some of you have terrible memories of the dinner table. It was not a place of peace and sharing. Your family was not the Cleavers! But you have the opportunity to do it differently.
So maybe it’s time we re-think dinner. Consider giving mealtime a greater priority in the life of your family. Maybe limit the participation in certain outside-the-home activities in order to increase the opportunities for the family to be together around the table. Set limits like no TV during the meal, no phones at the table, and establish rules for making sure everyone gets heard. Teach the children the value of being at the table by not letting them back into the conversation once they leave the table.
It may be a bit weird and uncomfortable at first, but be patient and be persistent. It will pay off in the long run.
