Finding the Way to Our Highest Self

Finding the Way to Our Highest Self

I had no idea which way was up. I was pumping my arms and legs, hoping to break the surface of the water. The breath I had taken before plunging into the cold waters of the Pacific Ocean felt as if it was slamming against my closed throat like a battering ram. I could hear myself gasping within, desperate to relieve the mounting pressure within my chest. Though still disoriented, I recognized the futility of my panicked flailing and just stopped moving.

Only a moment later, I reacted as my toes dipped into the sandy bottom. I planted my feet and stood up with a burst of exhale and inhale seemingly at once. I found myself in waist deep water right next to my surfboard. With wide eyes, I could see that the world around me was still spinning severely. I grabbed my board to steady myself as I spotted another surfer wading towards me (sideways) saying, “Wow, are you okay? Way to charge that wave!” All I could muster was, “Vertigo.” I climbed on my board and clumsily paddled to the safe zone beyond the break as a new set rolled in.

A Wave of Vulnerability

Though a Pennsylvania boy, my family made a habit of vacationing near large bodies of water…East Coast, West Coast, Gulf Coast. My brothers and I have been swimming, body boarding and surfing on these coasts from our earliest days. Spending a significant part of their childhood on the Gulf Coast, my sons grew to share my delight in water, especially when there are waves. While I have found myself in precarious positions before, I had never felt as vulnerable as this occasion surfing with my son in Los Angeles just two months ago.

It was the first wave of the day and it was beautiful. There is nothing like it; if the timing is right, the wave rolls in and lifts you, then throws you forward along its smooth, curling face. I know I was smiling. I saw that the ride would end abruptly as the face lurched and surged forward. As I had done many times before, I ducked to allow the force of the wave to envelop me. On this occasion though, I felt immediate pain in my left ear as my left side impacted the surface of the water. I was able to surface quickly but upon opening my eyes, I was met with a vicious, disorienting spin. I clutched my board but immediately felt as if I was being thrown over another wave, so I reflexively released my board to avoid injury on impact. But there was no impact and no turbulent forces pulling at my body as I would normally expect. I was totally disoriented believing myself to be tumbling in rolling, white wash but feeling nothing. I was stuck in a weightless void. I couldn’t find the surface.

The Joy and Privilege of Movement

My son, watching this from 20 yards away, later described that after I recovered from the crash, I oddly slid from my board, turning face down on the surface of now calm waters. My arms and legs thrashing without evident purpose until I suddenly stood. We later confirmed what I had suspected. The impact on the water’s surface ruptured my eardrum and as cold water rushed into my middle ear, an intense reflex of severe vertigo was stimulated. Within seconds I had transitioned from graceful and thrilling movement across magnificent, rolling waters, to what seemed to be a tomb of chaos. Practically speaking, I couldn’t move!

I have always felt joy in movement… as a child it was running through the woods, swimming in ponds and pools, climbing rocks and trees, homemade bike jumps, wrestling and backyard games. As an adult…well, it looks pretty much the same with only a slight tic in maturity. I especially love these expressions in the context of relationship; a shared moment. To this day I have retained that childish impulse to turn to someone and say, “Did you see that!” Or to celebrate the accomplishment of another… especially if it’s a new experience for them. I love to see people discover the joy and freedom of movement.

My close call in the ocean was a stark reminder of how vulnerable we are. It was also a reminder of how precious movement is. Movement is life, movement is freedom. Many things can tragically steal our ability to move; some are uninvited from birth, while others are imposed upon us through illness or injury. It is largely true, however, that the greatest thief comes from within ourselves; the cumulative effect of our daily decisions that set us on a path of decline. “Sucks to get old” is our accepted refrain.

Our Vision to Help Others ‘Aspire’

Dr. Rich Rayner and I founded our multifaceted medical practice, aptly named Aspire, with a purpose to inspire individuals to ASPIRE to better physical, emotional and spiritual health. Our hope is to connect people to the purpose and quality that life inherently holds; a purpose and quality that may change over time, but that can be sustained through a lifetime. One of our central themes is that movement, by its very nature, is essential to this. It could even be reasonably argued that movement is essential to a full expression of nearly every element of our lives—spiritual, relational, vocational, recreational.

As people gain and maintain strength and efficiency in movement, they are granted freedom to explore new life experiences— in other words, freedom to ‘aspire.’ But one of the greatest challenges individuals face is the lack of inspiration to pursue those visions. There is a wise saying, often quoted in business that, “A vision without action is merely a daydream.”

So, how does an aspiration become a reality? It was Thomas Jefferson who said, “If you want something that you have never had, you must be willing to do something you have never done.” It is inspiration then that brings life to an aspiration by answering “YES!” to the question, are you willing?” Bear in mind that in every decision you make you are saying ‘yes’ to something, and no to something else. The question is then, to what will you say yes? You will always do the thing that you most want to do.

So, the pursuit of an aspiration requires an inspiration that supersedes the myriad of compulsions that seek to interrupt your worthy pursuit. If your pursuit is sincere, then these moments will be experienced as temptations, options that seek to draw you off course. The choice is yours, however. We must be honest with ourselves as to what we want most, no excuses, just honest confession. If you habitually choose the immediate, distracting pleasure, it is likely that your aspiration is a daydream…’would be nice but…no, not willing.’

But it is also true that you will likely stumble on occasion, even if your aspiration is sincere. The difference is that you are not permanently derailed if you choose the temporary pleasure in an uninspired moment. You can redirect and recommit your heart, body and mind, recognizing that the temptation did not fulfill its promise of lasting satisfaction. In these moments you must call upon the source of your inspiration and take action. The path to the goal is rarely a straight line but inspiration will, over time, ensure an upward trajectory until your aspirations are fulfilled.

Choosing to Live Well

As I’m sure we can all attest, inspiration can be a bit complicated and finicky. This is specifically because inspiration will always be connected to the very complicated questions surrounding every individual’s personal sense of value and purpose. These are our ‘core beliefs.’ Why am I here? Do I matter? Who or what am I? What brings me real joy? These are essential questions worth considering as you examine your life.

Though the answers to these complex questions will vary among individuals, we are all deeply relational and it is clear that inspiration is best found and maintained in community. It was speaker and author Steve Maraboli who said, “When you are living the best version of yourself, you inspire others to live the best version of themselves.” Inversely, we have often communicated to our patients that, “When you surround yourself with people living the best version of themselves, you are inspired to live the best version of yourself.”

Choose to live and to live well. Get moving and keep moving one step at a time, and discover what it is to joyfully aspire. Reach deep, be honest, find and embrace your inspirations. Surround yourself with other finicky, inspirational people. You will no doubt face hardship, disappointment, and setbacks. Acknowledge them, take responsibility for them and press on with new and wiser resolve. And though aspirations can appear ominous and out of reach, I encourage you to heed the words of Edmund Hillary, the first person to summit Mt. Everest, “It is not the mountain we conquer, but ourselves.”